Domestic Violence (DV) is a social problem as well as a problem within a family, and is defined as the use of physical aggression and mental/emotional abuse with members involved in intimate interpersonal relationships, or when one person tries to dominate and control the other person. DV abuse has one purpose, and that is to gain and maintain control over someone you love or are in a romantic partnership with. Any situation where a partner is forced to participate in unwanted sex of any kind is also considered domestic abuse. Abusers use fear, guilt, shame, and intimidation, and threaten to physically harm the victim and/or her children and those around her. DV often escalates from threats and verbal abuse to violence. While physical violence may be the most dangerous or life threatening, the emotional and psychological consequences are more widespread, with the consequences also severe. Economic abuse, although more subtle, is also a form of emotional abuse, with the goal being to control the other person.
DV is a crime inside the family, and law enforcement has the power and authority to protect people from it. That said, the problem is often overlooked, excused, or denied. Often the incidents of physical abuse (DV) seem minor when compared to those we read about or see on TV or heard about from other survivors. This is a form of denial. Domestic Violence (DV) can happen to anyone, regardless of one's socioeconomic circumstances. The number one sign that someone is in an abusive relationship is their fear of their significant other. No one should live in fear of the person they love.
Physical abuse tends to occur at moments of great stress. Many people who commit physical abuse were often abused themselves as children. As a result, they rationalize the abuse and don't see it as inappropriate, and can consider it appropriate discipline. People who commit physical abuse have poor impulse control. This prevents them from thinking about what happens as a result of their actions. Abuse tends to be learned, passed down from generation to generation, often referred to as "the cycle of violence." The same is true for children witnessing domestic violence. Many abused children have low self-esteem. The abusers will usually make their children feel that the violence is their fault. Even when the violence isn't directed towards the child, such as domestic violence, they often feel guilty and blame themselves. They also feel grief and shame over the abuse that is occurring to themselves or to others in the family. Their parents are unable to create nurturing bonds with their children, and the children are at greater risk for abuse and neglect. Children in these homes have more anxiety than children not exposed. They live in fear of the next violent act, towards them or others in the family, and they have fear that their parents will abandon them. As a result, their anxiety can develop into panic disorder, phobias, and other mal-adaptive defenses. Over time, untreated anxiety can impair a child's life and ability to function.
The scars of domestic violence run deep and can stay with a person long after they have escaped the abusive situation. These relationships can destroy or chip away at a person's self-worth, lead to anxiety and depression, and leave someone feeling helpless and alone. Victims of domestic abuse struggle with unsettling emotions, frightening memories, and a sense of constant danger. People often feel emotionally numb, disconnected from themselves, often isolated from others, and unable to trust people.
The good news is that through therapy, people can learn new coping skills, heal the deep scars, and improve the quality of their life.